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Did You Know That AR Rahman Had Suicidal Thoughts, Once?
By: Tupaki Desk | 4 Nov 2018 5:24 PM GMT
Allah Rakka Rehman a.k.a AR Rehman created a huge sensation with Roja, directed by Mani Ratnam 26 years ago. In 1992, when only Ilayaraja seemed to be the only option for great music, AR Rahman cand with new sound and conquered everyone.
But AR Rahman before becoming overnight sensation had to face lot of trials and tribulations of life. He lost his father RK Sekhar, who was also a composer, at the age of nine years and then he had to get into music at 12 years for survival.
Rahman said, "During the period, I felt a void without my father in my life. I used to work as much as I can to help my family but by 22, I had it all. I needed something new and felt like I am no good.
By 25, I felt suicide is the only option that I have to escape everything I feel. I wanted to quit everything and change myself so much but I couldn't until I changed my name," shared master composer.
He later said the reason behind changing his name from Dileep Kumar to AR Rahman and taking Sufi Islam as his religion, is the same emptiness.
"I never liked my original name Dileep Kumar. I don't even know why I hated it. I felt it didn't match my personality. I wanted to become another person. I felt like that would define and change my whole (being). I wanted to get rid of all the past luggage," said the composer.
Well, today he is the only Oscar winning composer from India and he still feels he needs to do something new all the time.
"You manifest who you are and let it out. So when you are ideating on your mental drawing book, you need a lot of self-analysis and you have to dive deep within you.
"You need to listen to yourself. It's hard to listen to your inner side. But once you do, you have to let lose and forget yourself," he adds.
AR Rahman said that for him music is like calling from another world and if he is disturbed he can't go back into it again. So, he works at nights or early in the morning.
He concluded by saying, "You feel jaded if you do the same thing. You need to find different things to do. For me travelling, parenting and spending time with my family — though I can't do that much — is beautiful. It helps a lot."
But AR Rahman before becoming overnight sensation had to face lot of trials and tribulations of life. He lost his father RK Sekhar, who was also a composer, at the age of nine years and then he had to get into music at 12 years for survival.
Rahman said, "During the period, I felt a void without my father in my life. I used to work as much as I can to help my family but by 22, I had it all. I needed something new and felt like I am no good.
By 25, I felt suicide is the only option that I have to escape everything I feel. I wanted to quit everything and change myself so much but I couldn't until I changed my name," shared master composer.
He later said the reason behind changing his name from Dileep Kumar to AR Rahman and taking Sufi Islam as his religion, is the same emptiness.
"I never liked my original name Dileep Kumar. I don't even know why I hated it. I felt it didn't match my personality. I wanted to become another person. I felt like that would define and change my whole (being). I wanted to get rid of all the past luggage," said the composer.
Well, today he is the only Oscar winning composer from India and he still feels he needs to do something new all the time.
"You manifest who you are and let it out. So when you are ideating on your mental drawing book, you need a lot of self-analysis and you have to dive deep within you.
"You need to listen to yourself. It's hard to listen to your inner side. But once you do, you have to let lose and forget yourself," he adds.
AR Rahman said that for him music is like calling from another world and if he is disturbed he can't go back into it again. So, he works at nights or early in the morning.
He concluded by saying, "You feel jaded if you do the same thing. You need to find different things to do. For me travelling, parenting and spending time with my family — though I can't do that much — is beautiful. It helps a lot."
